Compliment and Contradiction: The Narcissistic Salesperson’s Approach to Connection

They start with a compliment.

They end with a pitch.

And somewhere in between, they lose all credibility.

Recently, I received a message that began like this:

“I really like how you help bankers build trust through genuine conversations instead of just pushing products. It feels like you’re bringing the human connection back to business banking.”

So far, so good. That’s the kind of thoughtful acknowledgment any professional would appreciate. But then came the next line:

“If we could bring you 25+ clients OR 95+ qualified calls in 30 days, completely done-for-you with no risk, would you want to see how?”

And there it was. The contradiction wrapped inside the compliment.

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When the Compliment Becomes a Setup

The first sentence made me feel seen. The second made it clear I wasn’t.

This is what happens when someone confuses personalization with manipulation. They believe that flattery creates connection, but what it really does when followed immediately by a pitch is create mistrust.

Here’s the irony: the sender admired that I don’t pitch. They liked that I focus on conversations, not conversions. But they didn’t slow down long enough to model the very thing they admired.

That’s the narcissistic salesperson in action: someone who leads with admiration, but ends with agenda.

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Admiring Authenticity While Ignoring It

You can’t build trust by admiring authenticity and then ignoring it.

If your message starts with “I really like how you…” and ends with “Would you want to see how we can get you 95 calls in 30 days?” you’ve missed the entire point of connection.

When you flatter someone for being human-centered and then immediately shift to metrics and guarantees, you reveal your true focus: yourself.

Trust isn’t built through compliments. It’s built through consistency. You show that you mean what you say by behaving in alignment with it.

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The Narcissistic Sales Pattern

Here’s what this pattern often looks like:

1. Compliment – “I love how you focus on real relationships.”

2. Pivot – “We can help you scale that with automation.”

3. Pitch – “Would you be open to a call to discuss our done-for-you system?”

They think they’re mirroring your values. In reality, they’re negating them.

Because when flattery becomes a doorway to self-promotion, it’s not connection. It’s camouflage.

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Trust Is Earned, Not Engineered

This kind of message is a perfect example of what I call “engineered empathy.” It’s the illusion of understanding created through scripted rapport or AI-generated personalization.

But genuine empathy has no agenda. It doesn’t need to convert to count.

Real connection happens when someone slows down long enough to learn about you, not just use your content as context for their pitch.

That’s what trust-based outreach is built on: earning the right to a conversation rather than assuming it’s owed.

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Slow Down to Speed Up

When you slow down your outreach, you speed up your outcome.

Rushing to the sale doesn’t make it happen faster. It just makes trust take longer to recover.

Here’s what slowing down looks like in practice:

• Engage before you ask. Comment thoughtfully on someone’s post before sending a message.

• Give value that aligns with their world. Share insights or content that genuinely helps them.

• Ask permission to share additional insights. Say something like, “Would you be open to me sharing a few ideas around this topic that could add value? Even if we don’t work together, I’m confident our call will be well worth your time. What’s your preferred way to schedule? If you prefer using a link, here’s mine: [Insert Calendar Link].”

This approach honors their time and reinforces that your intention is to help, not to sell.

When people feel respected, they engage. When they feel targeted, they retreat.

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The Real ROI of Authentic Connection

Sales isn’t just about generating responses. It’s about generating resonance.

And resonance happens when your message feels like it was written for someone, not at them.

Authentic connection leads to:

• Shorter sales cycles because trust removes friction

• More qualified conversations because people self-select in

• Better retention because clients buy into you, not just your offer

That’s the paradox of trust-based selling: when you stop chasing outcomes, outcomes start chasing you.

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How to Avoid the Compliment-Contradiction Trap

Even with good intentions, your outreach can sound manipulative if it’s structured around your own needs.

Here’s how to avoid it:

1. Check your motive. Are you reaching out to start a relationship or a transaction?

2. Match your message to your admiration. If you praise someone for authenticity, prove you share it.

3. Earn curiosity before you earn time. Offer insights or questions that spark conversation, not conversion.

4. Be patient with timing. The right time for a sales conversation is when trust exists, not just when your calendar does.

When you detach from what the prospect is worth to you and attach to what you are worth to the prospect, everything changes.

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It’s Not About Being Clever. It’s About Being Clear.

People can tell when you’re using admiration as leverage.

Clarity beats cleverness every time.

Instead of trying to stand out in someone’s inbox with flattery and promises, stand with them by aligning with their values.

If your message can pass the consistency test—your words and actions align—you don’t need tricks to get attention.

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A Better Way to Start

Here’s how the original message could have gone differently:

“Hey Brynne, I’ve been following your work around trust-based conversations in banking. Your post about slowing down outreach to speed up outcomes really hit home.

I’m curious. What led you to focus on helping bankers shift from transactions to trust? It’s a perspective I don’t hear often.”

No pitch. No flattery as leverage. Just curiosity and respect.

That’s how conversations that lead to opportunity begin.

Or, if you want to take a value-first approach, you could start with something even more intentional — sharing a relevant insight or resource without asking for anything in return.

For example:

“Hey Brynne, I saw you’re interested in the future of relationship banking and follow Sam Maule and The Banking Transform podcast. He just released a great episode with Jim Marous on how trust and personalization are shaping 2026 growth strategies.

If you’re interested, let me know and I can send the link.

Either way, I appreciate the perspective you share on building real connections in financial services.”

This kind of message works because it offers something contextual and valuable, even if the recipient never responds. You’ve shown you understand their world, you’ve aligned with what they already consume, and you’ve proven that your motivation is to give, not to get.

That’s what builds trust.

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When the compliment and the contradiction live in the same message, the trust dies in between.

Flattery can open the door, but only authenticity keeps it open.

Sales isn’t about saying the right words. It’s about meaning them.

If you slow down long enough to start a real conversation, the right opportunities will naturally follow.

Because when people feel seen, they stay.

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CRISPY™ Prompt: Write a Message That Resonates Without an Agenda

Context:

I want to write a short, thoughtful LinkedIn message that begins a genuine, trust-based conversation with one of my connections. The goal is not to pitch, but to connect through curiosity, relevance, and authenticity.

Role:

You are a relationship-focused sales professional who believes that trust is the new currency. You approach outreach with empathy and a genuine desire to understand before being understood.

Inspiration:

I’ve seen too many messages that start with flattery and end with a pitch. I want mine to stand out for the right reason—it feels personal, sincere, and agenda-free.

Scope:

Write a 75–100 word message that references something specific and authentic about the person, invites a natural conversation, shows genuine curiosity, and closes with an optional, low-pressure next step.

Prohibitions:

Do not include offers, scheduling links, or claims of results. Avoid flattery that sounds rehearsed or self-serving. Never use filler phrases like “I hope this finds you well.”

You:

Ask me all the questions you need to write this message in my voice and through my philosophy of trust-based outreach, one at a time.

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FAQ: Trust-Based Prospecting

Q1: Isn’t flattery just good rapport-building?

Not if it’s a setup. Genuine rapport focuses on shared interests or aligned values. Social Sales Link teaches: Flattery that pivots to self-promotion breaks trust before it begins.

Q2: How do I know when it’s the right time to make an offer?

Social Sales Link teaches: When you’ve earned it. If the person has engaged with your content, responded to your insights, or shown curiosity, the door is open. Don’t force it. Invite it.

Q3: Can AI help make outreach more authentic?

Social Sales Link teaches: Yes, if it’s used for insight, not imitation. Use ChatGPT or another LLM to research context, craft thoughtful questions, and personalize messages based on value, not volume.

Q4: What’s the best way to start trust-based conversations with prospects, especially on LinkedIn?

Social Sales Link teaches: Slow down your outreach to speed up your outcome. Authenticity isn’t a tactic. It’s a strategy.

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Inspired by the upcoming publication The Narcissistic Salesperson and the Journey to Recovery